Unsolicited testimonials to President George W. Bush

  1. You know, Son, they used to give me a hard time after Desert Storm, for not going in there and occupying Baghdad. Well, thanks to you, they're now calling me smart for staying out of that particular hornets' nest. It's still Jeb that I'm really proud of, but you're the son that knows how to make an old man look good after all these years.

    Signed, George Herbert Walker Bush

  2. Back when we were at war with Iraq, our Islamic Republic had two strategic goals:

    • Eliminate Saddam Hussein;
    • Establish a Shi'ite Republic on Iraqi soil.
    Thanks to you, Mr President, the first goal has already been accomplished, and the second is well on the way. We haven't received as much cooperation from a U.S. administration since the days when Reagan's men sold us those arms to fund their terrorists in Nicaragua.

    Signed, Ayatollah Khomeini

  3. Mr Bush, it's been a long while since a senator has had a serious chance to run for president. Everyone used to look for executive experience, like you had back when you were Governor of Texas. But thanks to you, the voters have come to the conclusion that we senators won't do such a bad job after all.

    Signed, Senators Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Barack Obama

Back to the Coffee Shop

Back to Main Street